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Friday
Time for a service. The grubby one is in need of a little TLC so booked it in at Russell Motors. Unfortunately, this meant that I had to resort to public transport whilst Hornet Boy sprung to my assistance with; "I’ll drop your bike down for you if you want?"
So I handed over my key along with my dignity, and caught a bus.
Half way through the afternoon, the phone rang.
"Bad news I’m afraid"
Me, panicky – "What’s happened?"
"Nothing; dropped it in like I said I would"
"So what’s the problem?"
"You’ve lost your bike"
"?!"
"Took the scenic route to the garage via the A3 and Box Hill. Not too shabby. Might use it more often. By the way, the twins said you may want to try cleaning it."
Crap

Saturday
Went to pick up my newly serviced pride and joy (after finally remembering the log book) and walked in to the back of the garage.
Had a look round, couldn’t see her. Had another good look round and low and behold, hidden out of site, was one of the twins (identical; don’t ask me which one, sorry boys) giving it a quick rub down with a rag.
I enquire as to why her grubbiness wasn’t waiting for me outside, resplendent in all its glory.
A steely look was accompanied with "We have standards"

Tuesday
Having a lively discussion at work about alternative methods of transport to work if everything goes tits-up. My best idea was using a jet-ski, as I live and work quite close to the river.
(How much fun? But only in summer).
This idea got batted about for quite a while until my line manager suddenly stood up and said it’s total bollox but there is no way on this planet that I could ever manage a jet-ski. It was too big and powerful for me.
It went a bit quiet.
"How do you work that one out?"
"You’re too small"
"So, I can ride a f**k off huge bike capable of a hundred and silly miles per hour, I can jet-ski when I’ve been on holiday in the Sarf of France but I can’t handle a jet-ski in a hypothetical public transport breakdown?"
"Yes"
"But…"
"I don’t think you can – end of story"
She has since been sending me every scary bike riding email she can find, preferably with gory pictures attached.
Trust me when I say, The Devil wears Primark.

Sunday
Crusty Demons at Wembley. Saw the advert by chance, so we decided to give it a go. All public transport was completely fecked that day, but for the sake of a V&T and a couple of pints we left the bikes behind.
Never. Again.
Demons were very impressive, TFL not so. (Highlight of journey home was a pissed up couple fighting; her screaming at him "dooberry-f**king-wotsit? Come near me and I’ll f**king lamp you" and various other expletives). After 2 hours of trying to get home, that got very trying.
However, I feel inspired to get myself a little traillie, so the hunt is on but I draw the line at a backwards flip on a snowmobile.

Tuesday
Nearly forgot, got a KTM for Christmas!
…toaster, that is.
And it looks top notch in the garage next to the R6 and Hornet.
two wheel passion
www.theridersdigest.co.uk

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